FO' FREE

I know I complain about my job at Pantyland quite a bit. But sometimes, it's worth putting up with "demanding" (read: bitchy) customers.

What could possibly make working at Pantyland tolerable?

One word: GRATIS.

Now, you may be wondering "What is gratis?" Well, the corporate sales team at Pantyland have an interesting method of educating employees on new products. They feel that if employees test the items and experience a new product for themselves, the employees will be able to sell the product better. How do they get us, the sales associates, to try out so many new products?

They give them to us. As gratis. FOR FREE.

So far this summer, Pantyland gratis-ed (verb?) their sales associates two free bras, valued at $90 and two free perfumes, valued around $40.

Did I mention I LOVE corporate?

Hand It Over

Pantyland gives out a fair amount of coupons. Usually, they pertain to free panties or $10 off a bra. These coupons aren't difficult to use, customers just have to present them at the cash register within the given dates. However, some women have difficulty figuring this out.

Customer comes to the register with her purchase. I ring up all of their items, put it in a bag with some pretty tissue paper, finish the credit card transaction, and hand over the receipt.

Customer looks over the receipt and asks "I thought one of those panties was supposed to be for free?"

I reply "Which panty are you talking about?"

"This one right here. I had a coupon for it."

In case anyone else doesn't understand how coupons work: I am not a psychic. I don't automatically know if you have a coupon. So in case you didn't know,
YOU ACTUALLY HAVE TO GIVE ME THE COUPON IN ORDER TO USE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!

I Can Resist Everything But Temptation

Working in retail has its good and bad parts. The bad part is obvious: customers. But there are highlights. One good part is being able to see everything the store has in stock, so you can put anything you want on hold BEFORE it ever touches a sale rack. Another benefit is the awesome discounts. Did I mention that employees receive a 30% discount at Pantyland AND Bath and BodySmellGoodStuff? But with great reward comes great responsibility.

Fall semester is looming right around the corner. Which means back-to-school shopping. And you know exactly which adorable merchandise is in stock. Obviously, in order to get good grades, you NEED to have 2 new pairs of PUNK sweatpants, a gym bag, and a new body splash/lotion scent combo. DUH.

Besides, I can always look off of my partner's lab book.

And in any case, what do "Technology Fees" even pay for?

Victory!

The GAS has officially ended. Consequently, traffic to Pantyland has diminished considerably, especially during the morning and early afternoon hours.

Today, Pantyland was so slow that I finally achieved my goal of sampling every single fragrance in the store. I smell AWESOME. And by AWESOME, I mean I smell like a Week-Old-Hooker.

Now I need a new goal....

It's Science

Fact: Most of the "ladies" that shop at Pantyland are NOT, in fact, ladies. They be bitches.

From One Cashier to Another

I am a firm believer in treating minimum-wage workers with respect (Servers, cashiers, etc. The "help"). I've been there. I know that one bad customer can ruin your shift, and I know that one really nice person can brighten your whole day. I also know that the "help" will treat you as nicely as you treat them. Customers usually fall into one of two treatment patterns:

Customer comes up to the cash register. I say to them "Hi, how are you doing today?"

Type 1: Responds with "Fine." No attempt to further the conversation. I finish your transaction and put your things in your bag with standard tissue paper.

Type 2: Responds with "Good. How are you?" I respond with a "Good, thank you for asking!" I carefully fold your clothes, place them in the bag and give you extra tissue paper for extra prettiness.

In this scenario, being nice to the cashier didn't really have any advantages. BUT if you're nice to the help, they'll be nice to you. Case in point: Whole Foods.

I got off at Pantyland and went to Whole Foods to pick up some tempeh and veggie chicken. I also bought some impulse bulk granola. Toffee Almond. So good. Basket in tow, I headed to the checkout and got in line. The line I chose, just as an fyi, had a very cute checker. I got to the front of the line and he said

"Hi, how are you?"

I responded with a "I'm good, how are you doing today?"

"I'm good, thanks for asking."

While he was ringing up my groceries, I asked him how his shift was going. He told me it was ok, just a normal shift. I replied that I could relate, I had actually just finished at my job. Then, He rang up my granola that I bought and asked me what the price was. I had forgotten to write the number of the bulk bin on my bag! There was no price! I was being "that customer." I apologized profusely and offered to go check what the price was.

He said to not worry about it and started to type in another code for a similar product. Then he stopped and looked at me. He thought for a moment and said "Tell you what, you can just have it."

FOR FREE.

So what did we learn today? If you make the "help" happy, they'll make you happy.